point taken-humility happened.

 {trying to get us all in a self portrait at the doctor's office-flash kept going off}

Sunday night Grayson woke up sick.  Monday all day both boys were sick & we played it chill at home.  Tuesday all day both boys were sick, trip to the doctor {viral stuff for both}, but starting to seem better.  Wednesday I had big plans to spend a girl's day with Amber, so the boys & Ella were going to go to Taylor's.  I just knew they'd be better & good enough to go, so I was excited about the day out.  Tuesday night, however, was the longest night ever.  Both boys went down well around 9, but at 11, Bex was up with a snotty nose, coughing, fever, etc.  Since I was getting up early, Zac said he'd keep him with him.  So he was up for the 11-3 shift.  Then I took the 3-5 shift.  At this point Beckham and I were in my bed & he was just having the hardest time sleeping.  Zac was in bed with Grayson who kept coughing a ton.  Around 6 I heard Grayson calling for me and then the dreaded sound of him puking all over his bed.  Thankfully Zac had time to prepare & sit up! (:  We cleaned them up and then me and both boys ended up on the couch.  Both boys with fevers, both having a hard time getting really restful sleep.

And I was mad.  And frustrated.  And sad.  And feeling sorry for myself.  I couldn't believe that I was going to have to cancel my plans.  I said to myself that every time I had something planned for me, they got sick or something happened.  I even {shamefully} found myself saying in my head, "Am I really expected to give up everything for them?"  By the way, the other thing I was?  Totally selfish. Because guess what?  Yes, I am expected to give up everything for them.  Isn't that what the Lord does for us?  Isn't that what my parents did for me?  I knew before I had kids what it meant.  I knew what kind of job I was taking on.  A full time-no days off-kind of job.  I just forgot for a few minutes.  And once I had realized what a selfish mama I was being, and remembered that I wanted, asked for, LOVE my mama job more than most anything, I recognized a few things I am grateful for. {I also read this blog post that I know Heavenly Father had a hand in leading me to which inspired this post & which I highly recommend reading-so powerful.}

Grateful that I have these babies to be up in the night with.  That they are mine, that they are mostly healthy, that they are seriously easy kiddos when they are sick.  That I'm fortunate to have three boys in my house who love me when I am barely lovable.  That they all love to cuddle.  That Beckham curls up onto my chest & breathes this soft sigh of contentedness when I just sit & love him.  That Grayson has said, "I want you to hold me" more times the past few days than in that last year.  That both Zac and I have schedule's that are lenient & flexible enough to be able to stay home on short notice & take care of our kids.  That Grayson has said more times than I can count, "I'm so sorry I'm sick Mom."  That the boys are comforted by the smallest things like sitting with mom & dad on the couch & watching Bob the Builder.  That I have the world's best husband who rocks sick babies, loves a tired mama, and cleans up the puke.  Every time.  That I live with three daily reminders of how much Heavenly Father loves me.  That when I think having my girl's day out be canceled due to sick kids is the worst thing that could happen, Heavenly Father gently steers my thoughts in the right direction and reminds me how petty I am being...

Because I personally know and love many friends who would gladly give up everything they have to have a baby of their own to keep them awake all night.  I know and love many friends who would gladly give up everything they have to have their babies who have passed away back in their arms and keeping them up all night.  Not to mention my sweet friends who are doing it all by themselves.  And in my most tired days & longest nights holding my kids & taking care of them when they aren't feeling well, I have no idea what those sweet friends feel like.  I can't even fathom what they have experienced.  And I think the best way to show them proper respect is to not take the days I have with my kids on this earth for granted.  Because the good far outweighs the bad.  Today more than ever, I was made aware of how easy it is to complain about petty stuff & to feel sorry for myself.  I'm going to shadow the blogger I referenced above & make a conscious effort to stop complaining about those petty things & to recognize more fully the blessings in my life.  Because when I give all of me to all of them, I become a better & more full me.