December Miscellany {take two}

12.20 {Tuesday} we woke up and got the house cleaned up and headed home.  We had a busy day planned and the ride home went well.  The boys slept & Zac and I chatted. 

[I wanted to document a bit of our conversation so I don't forget.  We get a lot of our best conversations while in the car & when both boys are sleeping {we try not to talk about the kids at all in front of them unless it's positive}.  Zac is the best communicator I know.  He is awesome about using "we" language.  He was talking to me about how if we don't start parenting like adults instead of parenting like children, the behaviors that we don't like will never change.  I love this mostly because I knew when he was saying "we," he really meant, "you."  Because he's way better about handling things as an adult where I'm generally more quick to act childish in times of stress or discipline.  I know he's right.  I find myself holding a grudge or attaching a behavior to the child & thinking things will never change.  Of course I was tearing up a bit just thinking of how many things I need to be better at and wishing I was doing everything just right for these amazing little guys I'm blessed to mother.  He also talked about the possibility of us using some tactics to keep situations from escalating instead of us {read: Karli} immediately getting on guard & making the situation worse.  He said, "Your mom is really great at this.  It's almost as if she can sense when a situation could get sticky and just deflects to something else.  She is especially great with Grayson {and every kid} on this.  She just helps distract, get working on something else, and the situation is diffused before it ever got started.  I watch her a lot and I know sometimes she is frustrated or wants to handle things one way, but generally she redirects and then things are better almost immediately."  He's right about this too.  My mom was a great mom, but she is an incredible Grami.  She has more patience, understanding & compassion for my kids than I do most days, and his point was that we don't have to wait till we're grandparents because we can learn from her example right now.  He then said, "I watch and listen to your dad a lot, too.  He NEVER refers to Grayson {or any of his grandkids} as the behavior they sometimes do.  He separates the kid from the behavior at all times.  He always refers to Grayson {because we'd been mostly discussing him} as a 'great/amazing/incredible/talented, {insert positive affirmation} kid.'  When I went to town with him today, he said it again.  'Grayson is a great kid.  He's still little & learning.'  I think we can learn a lot from him about separating the child from the behavior."  By now I was really crying thinking how much better my kids would be living & being raised by my parents & Zac. (:  I'm only kidding-mostly-but I could really see where he was coming from and felt so blessed to have a husband who is in tune.  He mentioned the fact that we cannot control how other people choose to treat our children when they're around them-whether we're there or not-and that they have to receive the MOST love from us.  We have to love & respect them more than anyone else in the whole world.  I'm working on this.  Zac wants to parent with the spirit and he does.  He guides our family so incredibly and I love that he's willing to have conversations with me about everything & especially the stuff we're wading through on a daily basis.  I am working hard to be more like my parents examples, to not worry about what other people think is the best way to parent, and to not compare myself-or my kids-to anyone else.  I'm seeking the help of the spirit more often, working on taking the emotions out of the hard parenting situations {so I don't resort to childish retorts/remarks/ways of handling things}, and apologizing when I've obviously made the wrong choice.  I'm intently asking Heavenly Father to help me see my kids as he sees them on a daily basis.  I'm so thankful for the boys I have been blessed with.  All three of them.]

We got home, unpacked, started some laundry, rested a bit, and then got a visit from Max!  I told Gray he was coming for a second & Grayson ran to get his gift for him.  He sat on the couch with it on his lap so excited till he got here.  When he opened the door to Max they both handed each other a gift & said, "Here's your present!"  Totally adorable.  I had to get a quick picture & Max totally nailed it for Grayson.  He got him a Star Wars color book thing & helped him open it.  When they left a few minutes later, Gray spent a good half hour coloring.  Perfect! 

We headed to Meridian around 5:15 for our niece Lexy's adoption party.  The adoption had been finalized at the courthouse earlier that day, so they were having an official party for her.  It was fun to see all the support that Ryan & Alicia and their family have and nice to be there to visit.  The boys warmed up after a few minutes and were super good.  Grayson loves to do this little "give me five" trick to people right now where he says, "Up high, down low, cut the pickle {his fingers together}, tickle tickle tickle!"  It is funny to me because he's usually quite reserved-especially with people he doesn't know-and for him to willingly touch people {by tickling} is pretty out of his comfort zone, but he loves it & it makes people laugh.  We stayed a little over and hour and got back in the car for an hour ride back.  {Total time in the car today: five hours}

We stopped at Hartley's because we were doing Christmas Eve early with them tonight.  It was a blast & I'm so glad we stopped.  We were late, but still grabbed something to eat and the boys disappeared to play with Jaeger in Syd's fun basement.  Becca & her kids joined us too, which is fun to have them as part of our family.  The kids played fabulously together & Gray would surface every half hour or so to say, "I'm taking care of it. We're all doing awesome and having fun, Mom."  Okay.... I took his word for it & we didn't check on them til we left!  Terren kept all the kids from getting into anything they weren't supposed to. (:  The adults played four on the couch, which I had never played before & it was a blast.  Such a fun game-and so much fun with that many people.  We laughed a lot, became very confused, and had a hard time remembering our names. (:  Love that family and thankful the tradition of getting together has lasted as we've grown.  Missed Tad, Megan, and boys & hope Tad had a very fun 30th birthday!


12.21 {Wednesday} We took a trip over to visit Amber & kiddos and deliver their Christmas gift.  We spent a couple hours playing there which was wonderful, as usual.  G&E played fabulously like always, and it was the first time Bex and Wren really played together.  So adorable.  Late that afternoon we delivered neighbor/friend gifts & spent the evening wrapping, playing, watching movies, and enjoying the season.