A note for Grayson

Dear Grayson,

Last night I sat by your bedside as you slept and thought, "this is the last night you will ever be 3."  I watched you sleep peacefully, held your hand, and couldn't believe how quickly time has gone by since you came into our lives and completely rocked our world {in the best way possible}.
This morning around 5:30 AM, you called out and I went into your room to check on you.  You asked me to lay with you & cuddled right up next to me.  And I thought, "and just like that, you are 4."

You are an incredible kid, Grayson.  You are so different than me and sometimes that scares me, because I'm not sure how to communicate and discipline best for your personality.  You rarely like to be cuddled up close, so those early morning moments when you ask me or Daddy to lay by you, we relish in it.  When you're sick, you love to sit on one of our laps & watch a movie, which we love, too.

You are smart.  Sometimes too smart!  You understand far more than the average four year old, your vocabulary is astounding, and you have a strong desire to test for yourself what's right & wrong.  You are fiercely independent, but also nervous in a crowd.  You don't like being the center of attention-except at home-and thrive in small one on one situations rather than big crowds.  You LOVE school and Miss Krissy and although you aren't always eager to divulge what you learned immediately after getting home, I often hear you "teaching" Beckham the things you learned, later.  You do not like being scared and don't like watching or hearing anything scary. 

You've had the unique, awesome, and sometimes really tough experience of being our first child, which also makes you the guinea pig.  We have NO idea what we're doing half the time, and I think you know it. (:  You are stubborn, don't like saying sorry, and can push my buttons faster than anyone.  However, you are justified a lot of the time because I am still young in my parenting style and often react too rashly before thinking when I discipline you.  Although sometimes you can test me, I am fiercely protective of you.  I desire so much for your life.  I hope you can keep your stubbornness as you grow & not let people influence the way you make decisions.  Maybe you standing up for what you know is right or believe will help others along their path.  I hope you keep your silly sense of humor & don't let anyone take that away from you.  I hope you always like to be with us-right now you say you don't want to grow up & you want to live with us forever.  I want you to be confident and self assured, but know that you are always welcome here in our home.

I love you baby Gray.  You are my firstborn and I love you with a love so fierce and deep it's incredible to me that Heavenly Father can love you more.  But, I know He does.  There is not a single day that goes by that your Daddy does not tell me how grateful he is for you.  He adores you.  We both do.

Happy fourth birthday little man.  I hope this year is your best yet.

Love, Mommy