2 weeks early & perfect

So, he's here. And he's amazing. And we feel blessed. So very blessed. I am still having a hard time believing there are three men in my home to love. So in keeping with tradition, here is the lowdown.

The Stats:

Beckham Newell Cleaver
Weight: 7 lbs. 12.8 oz.
Height: 20 inches
Head: 14 inches
Dark hair, chubby cheeks, and beautiful everything.

The story of his name:
Beckham was a name I'd read on a blog a while back-they called him Bex for short which I also love. I mentioned liking it to my mom toward the beginning of the pregnancy and continued to fall in love with it. Zac was a little longer coming around because of the David Beckham correlation. When I reminded him how talented & good looking David Beckham was, he just laughed. Every time I would suggest another name, he'd say, "I like Beckham better." Score for me! By the end, we still hadn't "officially" decided together and I was wanting to make favors (after Amber & I saw them on a blog) so I just made them with the name I'd decided on. Later I told Zac, "by the way, I made favors...if you want to change the name, we still can." He laughed and said, "Babe-this boy's name was decided a long time ago!" (: I love that man.
Newell is Zac's dad's name. None of his grandkids have been named after him yet, so I knew from the beginning I wanted to use it. We didn't want to tell him though because we wanted it to be a surprise. He was definitely surprised. He cried and it was so sweet. Zac's mom was pretty emotional about it too and I felt really glad about our choice.

The Story of his birth:

After I blogged from the hospital room at 2:00 am (yes-I was feeling pretty dang good at that point!), I still wasn't progressing too much. Z & I took a few pictures & listened to some Cold Play on the laptop.

They didn't want to check me too often because of the risk of infection with my water breaking, so the nurses just asked me to let them know when I felt like i needed to push. They did check me at 3:00 am and I was still at a 5 & about 70% effaced. They decided to start me on pitocin. They go up in increments of 1/2 or 1 dose & you can get up to 20. By about 14, I was finally getting some pretty intense contractions! It's crazy how different each birth has been! (: Anyway, around 5:00 am, I decided to get the epidural. That was by far the worst part of the whole experience. SO different than last time. This time, the needle hit the bone and it was the most painful thing I think I've ever experienced. I flinched-which is a big no no when having an epidural administered-and that made it worse...so I started crying...which rarely happens (from pain at least!). At this point Zac about passed out-because he's not used to seeing me like that & he felt awful, so the nurse had him sit down. Finally, the epidural was in and I was able to compose myself. So grateful for an awesome nurse (Jennifer) that was so sweet through that experience. The epidural started kicking in and my blood pressure dropped pretty drastically. I had to have an oxygen mask on for about an hour because Beckham didn't like my BP dropping.

Amber came around 8:00 & my mom came a little after that. Zac was so glad for the support-he was feeling pretty sick. Poor guy! I was glad to have two of my favorite girls there too. They checked me again about then and I was at a 7 & 90% effaced. Amber painted my toenails "Faith Hill pink" and we laughed because I could not feel a thing! Seriously, if I had not seen her painting them, I wouldn't have known! The epidural was working almost too good!

Around 10:40, I started feeling some pressure in my lower back but didn't want to bug the nurses because I thought it would take way longer to get from a 7 to a 10. Mom, Amber & Zac all encouraged me to just call her and let her know what was up. The nurse (Annette) asked me to just give her a little practice push to see...and immediately said, "Stop pushing!" She ran and called Dr. Agrusa and he hustled over. I absolutely love that guy & was so happy he was going to be the one to deliver. By this time we were all excited and I was happy that the end was in sight. I still couldn't feel ANYTHING-which was so weird because with Gray the epidural took the edge off, but I could still feel tons of pressure and pain which helped me push... However, when they told me to push, my body must have remembered how to do it because they were all smiling and saying I was doing it right. It was awesome-I was laughing in between, cracking jokes, etc. Three contractions worth of pushing & ten minutes later, Beckham entered the world. The cord was wrapped around his neck but Dr. A got that undone super quick and handed him to me-he still hadn't cried, but when he did, it was the best sound ever. Loved him immediately.

We spent the rest of the day surrounded by people we love and loving on the cute new baby in our world.

Zac & some of the visiting crew went to see him get bathed & cleaned up & Grayson chose to stay with Mommy which I welcomed. It was a long, but wonderful day!

Things I want to remember:
-Zac saying, "he looks just like Grandpa Farrell!"
-Zac seeing him for the first time and crying
-Zac kissing me and telling me how proud he was of me
-Dr. A saying I was superwoman ten or so times
-Commenting to Dr. A how grateful I was that we don't live in a culture where we have to save the placenta & him saying, "Would you like to take it home and eat it?"

-Having Idaho's "Sexiest OBGYN" deliver my baby-he is SO embarrassed about this & I love to tease him!
-Having my mom there to calm my husband & support me (she will definitely be making an appearance for any future children we may have!)
-Mom & Zac walking around the room on cell phones making sure the news was out
-Having my best friend there to document through pictures...I asked Amber if she'd like to be there for the birth when I was only about 12 weeks along and she was ecstatic. It was fun to have someone else who makes me laugh to take some of the pressure off & to help calm Zac a little more. He worries so much about me and Amber just puts people at ease.

She took about 500 pictures and captured so many tender memories that I won't soon forget. She is one of the few people who can see me at my worst and still think I'm beautiful-although my mom & Zac definitely both fall into this category! Thanks again Amber for being in that moment with me.
-Holding & nursing Beckham for the first time and being amazed at how he just knew what to do; nursing again in general-even though the first week or so is kinda torturous! (:
-Feeling like I knew him already; looking for signs of Grayson in him; finding signs of his individuality

-Laughing when I tried standing up and realized the epidural still hadn't completely worn off in my left foot & almost falling

-Cuddling Beckham with Zac on the hospital bed in labor & delivery & in our recovery room
-All the amazing nurses, doctors, and staff at St. Lukes
-Having the following people visit & love on us & our new baby boy:
*Amber Fischer

*Mom & Dad Pete

*Mom & Dad Cleaver and Morgan

*Matt & Jennifer Belville

*Uncle Bob & Whitney

*Glen, Denise & McKee Adams

*Adam Cobb {Funny side story: Bro. Cobb could not remember our last name and they wouldn't let him back for a while. He kept saying, Peterson...I know this, I know this. They were both my seminary students. They know me! The nurses wouldn't let him back. Finally, he walked away to clear his head and remembered! Phew!}

*Lance, Kelsey & Jaeger {they brought Grayson with them}

*Rob & Kim Wagstaff & girls

*Chris & Chelsey

*Em, Layne & Zachary

*Bishop & Brenda Hartley

*Jeremy & Gwen Pete

*Sabra Collins

*Taylor
-Getting to love Grayson when he came to visit & realizing how grown up he is
-Realizing we're a family of 4 now!

-Loving the interaction between him and Beckham...when he crawled up on the bed with me, Z & baby B, he pointed at him and said, "That's baby brudder...he's not in mommy's tummy anymore." He just totally accepted that this was the little man we'd been talking about and kept watching him and saying little things to me.
-Realizing what amazing family we have; my parents watched Gray the first night at our house, the second night at their house and the third night Taylor & McCall stayed at our house with him. It was so nice not having to worry about him and knowing he was well loved while we were gone.
-People's reactions when I gave them the favors I'd made...and eating 2 boxes worth of the yummy chex mix that mom made inside them!

-Having Zac sleep with me on the tiny hospital bed and talking about the experience with him both nights
-Ordering food in, watching movies & laying with Zac and Beckham
-Feeling less anxiety this time, loving the feeling of knowing a little more what we were doing, and relishing in the joy of a newborn spirit straight from Heavenly Father.
-Just holding and breathing in everything that is Beckham.
The story of Coming Home {& the week following}:

We debated whether we should stay one night or two in the hospital and ultimately decided to stay both. I am so glad we did this. The second day was more restful and that night we enjoyed our time with just the three of us. Beckham stayed in the nursery at night except when he needed to eat and they all commented on how chill he was and that he slept well and loved to be rocked. By Sunday morning we were totally ready to leave and I felt more refreshed and ready to go. We drove home and met Grayson and Taylor.

He was sweet with Beckham and after giving him a good long once-over, seemed excited to have him here. Zac and Gray took a nap in Gray's room and Beckham and I napped on the couch for about 2 hours which was nice. We had a steady stream of visitors {Taylor & Kelsey brought lunch, Jeremy & Gwen and kids, Alison & Whitney, Tammy-Susan-Kacie-Brady brought dinner, Lance-Kels & Jaeger made milkshakes for us here, Mom & Dad Pete} that night too which was fun. Both boys slept super well that night and Zac and I were able to get some more needed sleep.

Monday Zac worked from home in our "office" {aka: bedroom} and that was nice. Grayson enjoyed loving on baby brother & playing with me again.

Ada Ballantyne brought dinner & visited and Grami came by with gifts for both boys which was nice. She finished Beckham's beautiful quilt-I am in love!

The whole family went to the doctor for Beckham's jaundice check and Gray was so sweet and concerned about Beckham getting poked and prodded. It was nice having all three of my boys with me. We went to the dreaded Wal-mart afterward and got a few much needed items. I was feeling a little sore & tired by this time and we headed home. We ate a yummy dinner at Pete's and they got to see Beckham awake & alert. Mom had made a delicious homemade pot pie and Grayson was asked if he'd like to say the blessing. He said yes, so I helped him. It went like this:

K-Dear Heavenly Father

G-Dear Heavenly Father

K-We're thankful for this day

G-Thankful for the day

K-Please bless this food

G-{pausing & thinking...and looking at his bowl of trix because he refused to eat pot pie} Please bless the trix

K-{laughing super hard inside!} In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

G-Name of Jesus Christ, AMEN!

So funny! He seriously cracks us up!

Tuesday Elva {my visiting teaching partner} came by and dropped off some delicious homemade rolls. Amber & Ella came over and brought yummy lunch and good company, as well as dinner. Katie & Paisley came by to visit and brought a meal too which was awesome. Kelsey & Jaeger visited during Gray's naptime and that was nice to just chill with them. Headed back to the doctor for another jaundice poke {yesterday's test came back at 13.2 and 15 is the highest} and Mom came with me which was reassuring-not quite sure I'm up to any far outings with both boys alone yet! Jaundice level had gone up, so we are working on getting him more time in the sun & hoping that because my milk came in, it can help wash the billy ruben out of his system. When we got home, we went to Great G&G Pete's to show Beckham to them.

Grayson loved playing with Grandpa Popeye and they loved showering both boys with attention.

McCall came over in the evening to hold baby boy and we enjoyed watching Biggest Loser & Parenthood. Good days so far!

Wednesday was busy even though we stayed home all day. The morning was spent getting ready & then my good friend Connie stopped by to visit. She was here from Arizona and called to see if she could come by. She said, "Are you in labor?!" I told her I'd had him on Friday and she was thrilled that she'd get to meet him. It was so nice to visit with her and feel her sweet spirit. She is amazing.

After she left me and the boys napped and then we had Grami come over with Costco groceries (thank you thank you!) & she took Gray home for an hour, Kay stopped by to visit with some cupcakes, Jen Nielson came by with yummy dinner & it was fun visiting with her & getting to know her better, and then Courtney and Max dropped by with more yummy food! We are being so well taken care of-thank you! After they left, Zac got home and we all crashed-I was super tired!

Thursday morning Jessica Beck came by and visited & then it was naptime and I worked on payroll, cleaning, etc.

After that Grami came by to watch Grayson and Zac and I took Beckham back to the lab to get poked again for his jaundice. He totally slept through the whole thing again and seems so mellow all the time. The nurse called later to say his levels had dropped and he wouldn't need to get poked again and should be just fine! Yay! That was an answer to prayer. Grami took Gray back to her house and then he was going with her and Lance & Kelsey to Nyssa's Donkey Basketball game, so he was super excited about that. It was nice to have some quiet time with my other two boys at home. I watched a netflix movie while nursing Beckham, got payroll finished, and started sifting through birth photos. Brette Wagstaff stopped by to visit and when she was leaving I started having pretty severe cramping, which hadn't happened in a couple days. It was super painful & Z's folks came over to say hi for a few minutes, so Dad Cleaver and Zac gave me a blessing which was nice. Grayson told them all about his exciting evening and was so cute about it all. He got to pet a donkey which he thought was fantastic & Mom said he just climbed up and down the bleachers & enjoyed sharing candy with Paisley. I appreciated her being willing to give me a great break today & am grateful for the priesthood in my home.

Friday I felt a lot better. I love both my boys when they first wake up. I put Beckham on my bed while I get ready and then Grayson comes and joins him. So sweet.

Tasha brought me lunch from Winger's and visited while Gray was taking a nap. It was nice to get some quiet time with her and have her be able to love on Beckham. When she left I noticed my chest was pretty sore & thought I needed to nurse. That didn't seem to help and I laid down to rest for a minute. My mom had come over to hold Beckham and Grayson was out on a playdate on the farm with Papa Alan. He pretty much loves doing anything that involves Papa Alan {the lawn mower pics are actually from the day I went into labor & it was a little chilly...I had forgotten to pack him a coat, so he was wearing one of aunt Doll's & freezing...but wouldn't come in for anything!}

I laid down under the super warm quilt Mom had made us for Christmas but could not get warm. I took my temp and had a fever of 101.5, so I called my doctor. They were all already gone for the day but the nurse told me to get to urgent care because it sounded like mastitis. Zac had worked from home all day, so he took me in to see Dr. Travis. Sure enough, it was mastitis. They prescribed amoxicillan & ibuprofen and sent me home. It's super painful, but I'm glad we caught it so early & that I listened to Mom when she said to call because nothing would have been open over the weekend. Grayson had an AMAZING time on the farm with Grandpa and I just have to say what a great guy my dad is. He is totally capable of taking my toddler & just running errands, working at the shop, etc., and I don't have to worry about Gray not being watched or taken care of. He just handles it. And, Grayson adores him & anything having to do with being outside, so I'm grateful he was able to get out for a few hours. Wendy & Morgan came over and Bre Froerer brought us dinner-yummy & sweet-thanks Bre! That night Zac and I watched "The Time Traveler's Wife," and hit the sack...

Saturday was pretty laid back. I watched "Did you Hear about the Morgan's" which I thought was pretty cute and got stuff done at home. Then we headed over to my folks so I could take a bath in their huge tub and that seemed to help a lot. The antibiotics are definitely helping too. We hung out there for a while.

Mom and I were talking on the couch and Grayson brought the box of trix ceral out. I told him to get a bowl and put some in it. Soon we heard what we knew was the entire box of trix being poured into something. I grabbed my camera & we headed over & saw this. He had found a bowl...unfortunately it has holes all over it & is huge!

I couldn't really be upset with him though! I brought the boys home for naptime and I made a cake, did laundry, and got some other stuff done. When the boys woke up, I took Grayson to ride in the tractor with Zac for a couple hours.

He loved that & I headed back to my parents to visit with Kelsey's family who was visiting. Isn't the difference between Jaeger & Beckham crazy?! That's only 5 months!

When Gray was done {2 hours in the tractor is about his max}, I picked him up and we hung out some more till dinnertime. He loved riding Papa Alan's "kid tractor" all over the yard and would yell, "Watch out for dat tree!" whenever he'd get near a tree. Silly kid! Dad made yummy hamburgers & we all enjoyed the cake I'd made. Headed home and we were all exhausted! It's been a full & good week.

The story of Grayson & baby brudder:

Grayson has continually impressed me with how well he has taken the HUGE change that has come to our home. From the minute we stepped in the door with Beckham, it's like he just accepted it, knew it was happening, and was okay. He has definitely had moments of being naughty & acting out, but he has not taken out any of those feelings on or toward Beckham which I'm grateful for. He loves to talk about him, to him, kiss his head, hold him, and show him things.

He is gentle with him and always asks before touching him or giving him things. He asks me to check on him and enjoys having a backseat buddy in the car. Tuesday morning when he woke up I was getting ready in my bedroom bathroom and Beckham was laying on my bed. I heard Grayson come in and he said-in a very happy voice-"Hi baby brudder!" It was so sweet. He tells me how cute he is and has said "I wuv him" many times.

The first thing he does when he wakes up is to find Beckham and talk to him about all sorts of things. He loves to "play" with him and has been generous with sharing his toys... (:

With all this said, there have been more tantrums lately than usual & more wanting the binky, but I think all of that is normal for him while adjusting to a big change in his own way. He is such a sweet boy and I look forward to watching their relationship & friendship grow.

Because Lance was our only boy growing up, I'm not super familiar with the brother to brother bond & I'm eager to watch it happen in our home.

{Excuse the blacked out corner/shadows in some of my pictures-I obviously don't know how to use my camera or to put my strap up when taking pictures!}

Thoughts on adjusting to two kids:

Wow. It's been amazing realizing that I can love another baby like I loved Grayson. He is so sweet and so fresh and just looks at me and I melt. He is soft & cuddly & warm and makes me realize again how much better I need to be to be worthy of raising these amazing spirits. I have definitely felt more confident in so many areas this time around-and much less stressed & emotional. Because I've nursed before & been through the sleepless nights {and know that they eventually end or at least die down considerably}, I am not worried about them being neverending. I am enjoying the newborn days more fully because I realize how quickly they pass. I am not worrying so much about the little things. I am resting when I can, but also keeping up on laundry/dishes/household stuff. I am showering every day and making sure I take care of both boys AND myself. I am eating better & relishing in the newness of a newborn.

And, I am trying to find a balance between cuddling & being with Beckham and also spending enough quality time with Grayson. I have found myself becoming more easily frustrated with Grayson and Monday night in bed, I talked to Zac about it. I felt bad that I had snapped at Gray so many times and found myself so easily frustrated when I can generally work things out with him and handle things more gracefully. The last thing I want is for him to get shoved aside or feel as if he is less important now with a new baby. However, I also expressed to him that it's crazy that Beckham has already spent more time just chilling on the couch or in the cradle in the living room than Grayson did his whole first month because I need to make Gray & myself breakfast, or catch up on household stuff, etc. I want Beckham to get quality time too... Again, Gray has impressed me with not seeming to mind when I'm holding Beckham or feeding him and has enjoyed when I play with him too. Zac reminded me that Grayson is only two, is still learning boundaries, loves to test his boundaries, and needs just as much positive affirmation as discipline. His world has been completely turned upside down because he was so used to having us completely to himself and all the attention focused on him, so of course he is bound to act out for attention ocasionally. I am working on handling this gracefully and trying to see things from his little 2-year old perspective. And, we are working on his listening & obedience skills...which are incredibly lacking. And, which is totally our fault. Anyway, it's a work in progress. (:

That's quite enough for now. Week one was a success & although we are lacking more sleep than usual, I wouldn't change it for anything & am grateful for this experience and a new little boy to love.