in an instant

life can change drastically.

your whole world can be turned upside down.

we can gain a whole lot of perspective.

Sunday night Tom was taken to the hospital while on vacation with Becca & the kids in McCall.  He hadn't been feeling well for a couple days and finally Sunday night decided he needed to go in.  At the hospital he was told he had some pneumonia & they wanted him closer to home & in a bigger hospital, so they transported him to St. Luke's in Meridian.  While there he didn't get better.  The transported him to downtown St. Luke's.  He had to be intubated & put on life support because they couldn't get his heart to calm down & he wasn't getting rest.  At this point {Tuesday late afternoon}, we still thought it was a bad case of pneumonia and just waited.  That night things took a turn for the worse & he flat-lined.  They got him revived, but his oxygen levels wouldn't get up above 50%.  He had blood poisoning that was spreading & infecting all his organs.  At 4 am this morning {Wednesday, March 30th}, they called family members & said to gather round because there wasn't much time.  We-along with Rock & Julie, family members & a few other friends from their church-were called this morning about 6 to come over as quickly as possible to say goodbye.  We rushed as quickly as we could, but a little over halfway there Julie called to tell us he had passed...

I can't quite express the emotions that we were feeling.  Extreme sadness, lack of understanding, hope, faith, gratitude for knowing him, and a sense of desperation & urgency to see Becca.  We'd both been crying off & on since the early morning call, and the tears definitely didn't stop.  Hundreds of Tom memories flooded my mind, like a slow motion movie in my head.

We got to the hospital and met up with Rock & Julie and Tom's mom, Janie.  Lot of hugs, more tears, and getting more information.

Anxiously waiting for Becca. 

She came out.  She looked strong.  Because she is strong.  Her dad went to her-the first time he'd seen her since Tom passed-she fell into his arms and sobbed.  She broke my heart.  I hurt so deeply for her.  I love her so much.  She composed herself a bit, looked over and saw us.  I mouthed I love you.  She mouthed it back & cried some more.  She leaned over-hands on her knees-trying not to pass out.  She fell to the ground against the wall.  The pain was fresh & raw.  I wanted to take it from her, bear it with her, carry it for her.  Impossible.  We could only support, pray for, and cry with her.  Seeing her was almost more than I could handle.  I can't imagine what she's going through.  She ate a couple crackers & came over.  I hugged her hard & long and we cried together.  She thanked us for being there.  I told her we loved her and we were sorry.  What more could I say? 

We all got a turn to hug her & love her and then she was back in to say her final goodbyes to Tom.  We visited with family, heard funny & adorable stories about our sweet friend, and then were given the opportunity to see him one last time.  We declined-knowing he wasn't there anymore-and loved on Becca a bit more before we left. 

Instead of rushing back home, we took the time to have breakfast with R&J at Perkin's.  I'm so glad we did.  Rock is Tom's very best friend and Zac is right up there next to him.  The three of them have been friends since kindergarten and have the funniest stories.  It was so good for the guys & all of us to reminisce about Tom.  To laugh & tear up together-knowing exactly what each other were experiencing.  If Tom taught us all something in this life, it's to not take everything so seriously and to take time to enjoy life while we're in it.

I pondered a lot about the fact that the four of us were quiet while everyone else was reminiscing about Tom.  I think it's because we are keeping him as close to our hearts as possible.  Those memories-which have always been special-seem sacred to us now.  We knew the whole Tom.  The single, the married, the deep, the surface, the clean, the dirty, the quiet, the loud, the faithful.  We loved him because of & in spite of everything we knew & experienced with him.  Our group of six had a measure of comfort when together that few others understand. 

We headed home after breakfast, but not before stealing one last hug from R&J...because it all feels too short & too breakable now.  In an instant.   

We drove home in a daze.  Holding hands tightly & not saying much.  Cried as we passed their house.  Dried our tears to grab the kids as we didn't want to break the news to Grayson when our emotions were so close to the surface.  Each took a turn crying with my mom.  I think one of the reasons I adore Becca so much is she is much like my mom.  Mom describes Becca as a "rescuer" because she truly tries to rescue everyone in their times of need & in daily life.  I feel that title also fits my mom.  She sure rescued us today by coming to be with our boys so we could go together.

We are home now-Zac is sleeping.  He's emotionally drained-the pain is so deep.  He's hurting bad & we both ache for Becca and selfishly, we ache for us.  The loss of such a great man is hard to take at any stage in life, but 33 seems much too young.  We feel like we didn't get enough time with him.  

We love him.  We miss him. 

In an instant our perspective can be drastically changed.

We remember our faith.  We remember to not take for granted the people & blessings in our life.  We make the most of our time.  We worry less.  We serve our friends.

Generally though, we slowly go back to the way things were before.  The hustle & bustle of life & not slowing down to be grateful for the small things.  We hurry & stress & forget about our life-changing experience.  This time feels closer to us.  This feels more real.  

I hope our perspective doesn't change anytime soon. 

And I'm so thankful I know where this great man is now.