the big break-up

Sunday I taught sharing time.  My lesson was themed "Repentance brings Forgiveness."  The story the lesson was centered upon is out of the Book of Mormon, about the Anti-Nephi-Lehis.  They killed lots of people in their previous rebelliousness.  Once they repented, they knew they needed to bury their weapons of war so they would never be tempted to take up arms against another person again.  They made a covenant with God to never use weapons of war again.  Totally burying it deep.  They didn't just dig a shallow grave so they could access them later.  They buried them deep into the ground and when they were in need of defense, they knelt instead on the earth-with no weapons-and many were slain.  But then, the Lamanites, who had come against them, saw that they weren't fighting back, and dropped their swords & were converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Powerful.

I read this lesson earlier in the week & was preparing for it.  I decided to have the kids receive paper swords.  They would write something they wanted to "bury" on it.  I thought about that Hank Smith talk I listened to called "Breaking up with the World."  I thought about my obsession with diet coke.  And how I really am addicted.  And how I use it way too often...and how I'm willing to give anything up for the Lord...except that.  (:  No really, even spirituality aside, I had been thinking for a while that I needed to give up the good stuff because it's holding me back from my goals physically.  I know I'm retaining water, I feel bloated & gassy 85% of the time, and I'm irritable if I don't have any.  So, I hesitantly brought it up to Zac Thursday night in bed.  I told him I was possibly, maybe, vaguely, not really-but maybe, contemplating giving up diet coke.  But I was scared because I knew if I told those kids that I was burying my "diet coke-sword," I'd have to bury it deep.  I could never go back.  He was laughing because I kept waffling back & forth and making excuses.  I told him maybe I'd mention to the kids to think about their swords, and I'd think about mine, and then we'd have a sword burying party at the end of the month so it'd give me time to get used to the idea.  I told him I didn't want to do it before my reuinon, before my girl's day out, before our trip to Florida, etc.  I'd give it up after...after...after.  Then I laughed at myself because I know the Lord was thinking, "Okay, I'll wait."  Zac-being the wise & incredible man he is-said, "Babe, whatever you do, I'll support you.  I think when you decide what you're going to do, the what if's & what about's will work themselves out.  Making the decision is half the battle & once you do that, you'll receive a certain power & freedom that comes with doing that.  The Lord will make the decision & the undertaking of that decision easier on you."  And I knew he was right.  And really, my decision had already been made.  I just needed to talk it out with him.

So Saturday I had to run errands and got my last Burger West diet vanilla coke.  It was bittersweet.  Megan said, "Just your regular?"  I thought, "Where else can I go that asks me that?"  It was good.  Really good.  I put two diet dr. pepper cherry vanillas in the fridge for later that night.  The night came and I wanted to drink them solely for the purpose of doing it because I wouldn't have the chance again, but I was so tired and I just didn't do it.  And I don't regret it.  (:

So I gave my lesson and had the kids role play the stories of Jonah and the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's.  And I brought out my can of diet soda.  And I told them it was my sword.  And I started crying.  It was embarrassing and I told them I wasn't crying because I was giving it up, I totally don't know why I was crying, but I pulled myself together & finished it out.  I told them I wanted them to think about something in their lives {saying bad words, fighting with siblings, immodest clothes, etc.} that they were willing to bury and we'd have an activity day in a couple weeks where they'd bury their stuff & I'd bury my soda.  I hope it had an impact.  There is no way they can know what a big sacrifice this is.  They can't know that I have been drinking at least 24-60 ounces a day of diet soda.  They can't now, but hopefully someday when they are faced with a tough decision, they'll remember their primary president gave up something she loved for a God she loved more.  That she buried it deep.  And that she benefited both physically & spiritually from her decision.  {I'm hoping & knowing this will be the case}. 

I just want to say also, this is a completely personal decision.  Zac drinks regular soda & diet soda, caffeinated & non, and I'm totally fine with that, as do most the people I love and hang out with.  It was only because I was starting to feel like it was time for me to give up this sword that I did it.  It's not a sword for Zac or for most people I know.  Dad said yesterday at lunch that he wouldn't have a problem giving up soda.  I think that's because he isn't in a relationship with it.  I am.  It'd be easy for me to pick something I'm not in a relationship with-like coconut-but then it wouldn't be burying a sword, right? (:

Gotta admit.  After crying in Primary and just doing the normal Sunday stuff, I had a headache as we left the church and my first thought was, "Man, I could really use that diet dr. pepper in my bag right now!"  It might be a long week!  Anyway, wish me luck in my soda-less journey!